Just a little late night musing tonight.
I am getting ready to make my return to the stage this Saturday night with two pieces in Raks al Hassana’s Hafla in Tulsa. I haven’t performed ANYTHING in a year and a half. Now, I’ve never really been one to have stage fright. But I have been feeling a little nervous. This is the rebirth of my performance career. This is the rebirth of me as a bellydancer. I am bringing the style I have been cultivating to the stage finally and that’s a little scary.
Like all art, dance requires putting yourself out there in a big way. And I’ve never really worried what others would say in terms of my performances both in dance and in theatre. I always knew “I got this”. What has always troubled me most has been what I would say about it. Or rather think about it. Would I bring what I wanted to with me? Would I convey what I wanted to? Would I like what I was doing? I can entertain an audience no problem. But what about myself? After all, while I love making an audience happy or sad of affected in some way by my performances, I really do it for the selfish reason of how I feel.
I see dancers whose style I love and think “Man if only I could do that.” But I had a little epiphany. I CAN do that. The dancers whose style I love the most and whose performances most affect me are not “cookie cutter” dancers. Sure all dancers are beautiful in my opinion, but the ones that I most admire are themselves. They have a unique spirit and a unique voice in their work. And they didn’t get that way by being cookie cutters. And I bet a whole lot of them feel exactly how I feel. “Is this bellydance enough?” “Will the audience get it” “Is this what I want to show?”
Uncertainty is just a part of it and I feel like with Fusion it’s a harder row to hoe. But maybe that’s why I love Tribal Fusion so much. It not only gives you the opportunity to create new things, it gives you the freedom to take the knowledge you learn from others, respect and honor that and then take it and make it your own.
Two of my favorite “outside of the boxers”.